Hello, Wednesday my old friend
I've come to post our jokes again
Because a Tenno, vaca-seeking
Forgot his Kubrow wasn't sleeping
And the vision that was posted in our shame, still remains
Within the blog... of silence
The joke is that no one reads the blog.
They always know just how to get us. You could be the most hardened, calculating, brick house of a gamer, but toss one doggo's life in the mix, throw one horse companion off a cliff, and I guarantee the bitter tears will fall. And they love it, Tenno. They LOVE your despair. Because now they've got you by the heartstrings. Now they know you'll always come back and try to make things right.
Do you know how terrified I am to go back to my Animal Crossing town? I have anxiety just looking at my 3DS. I haven't been back in months. Isabelle does her best to manage municipal affairs while I'm away, but I'd be surprised if it wasn't a complete Mad Max nightmare in there at this point.
Okay...I'd be a little surprised. That'd be a pretty bold turn for Nintendo. But you know as well as I do that there is something tragic waiting for me. Something that eats your average mayor alive.
It's shame. Shame and empty homes.
Oh my friends! My friends!
That's right, honeybee. Your citizens, those cute little colorful animals that planted you a welcome tree and remember your birthday, will move away. Forever. They never come back, and it's all your fault. Oh I sure hope you had a great time playing another game, or seeing your family, or working. You've left behind a ghost town. You guys, if I boot that shit back up and Groucho the Bear isn't there I'm going to have an emotional episode. That resplendent queen's been with me from the beginning, gossiping about Ruby Rabbit, decorating his house with all the bullshit I didn't want to keep, grumbling away the Sundays fishing and eye rolling and just dancing it out.
There isn't enough alcohol in the world, people.
What were we talking about again?
Oh yeah, if you don't check on your dog every day in Warframe it'll slowly start to hate you and wither away until it's dead forever. You can put it in a stasis freezer to preserve it, but you'd better not forget and then leave on an internet-free vacation. Yep. Better not...forget to do that.
Why do we even play video games? Post your comments below and don't forget to smash that like button and subsriiiiiiibe *bursts into flame*
P.S. Oh, yeah. In Mass Effect 2, make sure Kelly Chambers feeds your fish if you're not gonna spring for the auto-feeder. You might have to sleep with her first, though.