Any way the wind blows

Full disclosure: we'll probably never run out of Dragon Age jokes. For a game that's not meant to be a comedy we sure do keep finding stuff to laugh at. And not even the easy targets like the infamous romance scenes from Dragon Age: Origins. Don't bother googling. Just grab two of your Barbies and mash their hips together to some Enya.

In all honesty, though, I love this franchise. Dragon Age: Origins was the first video game I ever beat. I'm in the middle of a third play through of Inquisition (although it's on the back burner while I storm my way through Warframe and Monster Hunter World). I wasn't allowed to have games growing up, so I didn't know much about them (beyond smashing buttons in Smash Bros at my friend Ben's house) until college. I didn't know what an RPG was. I had a secret shoebox of action figures that lived under my bed through high school so that I could scratch the roleplaying itch. Imagine my excitement at discovering an entire genre of video games about storytelling. Now quadruple that for the day I discovered D&D.

I've got a different blog about the frivolity of the war table assignments in Inquisition. The potential gains from taking the time to address them make absolutely no sense in the context of the story.

"Inquisitor? How shall we respond to the funeral invitation for Divine Justinia?" 

"Lordy, I don't know, Leliana. The sky is literally, no joke falling right now. How about you buy some flowers, and I'll deal with the legion of demons in the backyard mkay?"

But that's not the only problem. There are war table assignments that should matter to you. There's an assignment that holds the fate of the Inquisitor's entire family in the balance. They're being threatened by brigands, and they've written you a letter begging for aid. This is heavy stuff, Inquisitor. How will you save them? The Commander wants to send in the troops. The Spymaster wants to pick off the bandits with bug bites until they leave the elves alone. The Diplomat wants to request aid of the local lord. He's sympathetic to the Inquisition's cause after all.

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Um...let's try diplomacy?

 

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No. No, you naive, trusting fool.

The lord was in on it the entire time! The brigands are working for him because he just hates elves SO. MUCH. What? You thought this would be like the other war table missions where nothing really matters?

Well, I mean you're not wrong. It doesn't matter. Wanna know why? It doesn't matter because your family isn't real. I don't mean in an it's-just-a-game way. I mean that you never meet them. They're not characters in the game. They exist as text for you to read and hit "X" on. It's pretty surprising if you get them all killed, I guess. But hey, look! You completed the assignment, so here's 90 gold. And our sincerest condolences about your - oh, you've forgotten already, haven't you?

The war table is a dumb idea. The few interesting assignments make you wonder why they're not quests in the game. The majority are boring, and you don't even need to read them to make the optimal choice. A few have pretty shocking ramifications, but you'll never be made to feel those ramifications and you'll forget in 5 minutes because every challenge boils down to receiving one of three meager rewards with no relation to the choice you made. We've had two comics about it now. Maybe we'll stop. I dunno. It makes me pretty grouchy. One per play-through?

May the Maker watch over you (ugh, who actually plays as an Andrastian?),

<3 Erin